Over a Year

I stumbled on this post the other day, and realized a little over a year ago I went to the doctor to discuss not being able to get pregnant. Now here we are a year later with a fuller heart and home!

 

Sometimes life has bigger plans that you don't know or understand until after it happens. I'm a true believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. It took us a long time to get pregnant the second time around, but we were lucky enough to be doubly blessed. 

So...

So I've been feeling pretty crumby all week. I was nauseous and vomitting. I was convinced I was pregnant and that it had to be twins if at 3 weeks along I was already throwing up and that didn't happen with Grace until 6 weeks. I made Cole go out Wednesday morning and get a pregnancy test, this was day 25 of my cycle, so still to early to really test, but I was convinced that if I had enough hormones to make me sick, then I would have enough to test positive...nope negative.

I tried not to get too upset, since it was still early. I tested again on Thursday and Friday, both negative. Saturday I spent all day crying about not being pregnant, about how I felt so stupid for even thinking I could be pregnant. I realized that it must just be side effects of the Progestrone. I felt like such an idiot for not even considering that fact. Poor Cole I kept just breaking down all day Saturday.

Sunday morning I woke up @ 6am and decided to test again. (I'm a pee-aholic, if we have pregnancy tests in the house I have to pee on them.) I peed on the stick and went to put it on the counter, while I went in the other room to try to pass the time. As I went to put it down I realized there was already 2 lines!

I ran into Grace's room where Cole was sleeping with Grace and with the stick still dripping with pee I was waving it in Cole's face without saying anything. "I can't see anything, are there 2 lines? Get my glasses!" Cole shouted at me.

I ran to get his glasses, but before I got them he shouted "I see it!"

Oh my god! We're pregnant! We couldn't go back to sleep and wanted to go tell everyone, so we got Grace dressed in the shirt I've been waiting a year to put on her, in fact she's out grown 2 shirts, since we started trying.

"What do you mean you're having a baby?!"

So we rushed out of the house and I made up some excuse about needing to borrow my Dad's moving dollie so we could stop by and tell them. I asked my Mom if she liked Grace's new shirt and she said "I told you!" After we left there we went to tell the Brennans' and then we tried to get together with Cole's family, but his parents we're both busy, so we had to tell them over the phone. But we did get to tell Cassie and Andy in person. Cassie had by far the best reaction and was very excited! We tried to call everyone, but they all weren't around, so not everyone knows yet. But I figured not a lot of our family really reads our blog, so I figured I'd tell you few people who read this blog!

We couldn't decide what to do last night after no one was around, so we went to Borders and picked out a Big Sister book for Grace and a book for the new baby! Grace is already so sweet and Cole taught her to kiss the baby, so before bed last night her and Daddy gave the Baby kisses!

We are so excited! I go to the Doctor's tomorrow for blood work. I'll need to continue to take the Progestrone probably through the 1st trimester, but I'm okay with that. Anything to keep this baby safe.

Lots of Blogging

I have lots of blogs to post and catch up on, but it's not going to happen today because I have another stomach bug, ugh! I've been feeling nauseous off and on for a few days and thought that maybe it might be a good sign as far as pregnancy goes, but last night I woke up and had to throw up a number of times. It's still pretty early in my cyle (day 25) to test, but I tested for the hell of it this morning, because I was so confused about getting another stomach bug, but thus far it's negative.

I still have to do Grace's 17 month update, and our Valentine's Day photos, which included Cole and mine's 1st date out since before Grace was born!

I also learned that Cole had misinformed me about the pool mileage and I've actually been swimming 1/2 mile, not 1/4 mile...yay! I haven't been to the gym in 2 days because I've felt so yucky, but I'm hoping to feel better tomorrow and hit it hard.

Say What?

I think I may have actually ovulated this month...and it was on time, not super late...what! Now we just have to wait and see if our timing was perfect. I've started taking the progestrone again, the progestrone doesn't bother me as much as the clomid does, so it's fine. So I guess we shall wait and see...

Bad Blogger

I've been such a bad blogger. Between Cole's crazy hockey schedule and all the time at the gym (say what!) we're hardly ever home. In fact, we're 2 weeks behind on all our DVR'd shows. I'm hoping that with all the impending snow we're supposed to get that we can catch up on some tv!

The gym is going great! I've never been so excited in my life to work out. I've gone everyday since we joined, except for one, and done a full 2 hours everytime...go me! I do a cardio workout for roughly an hour and then I hit the pool for 45 minutes for another workout. I'm loving every minute of it and never knew how hard I could really push myself. It feels great to be working out!

As far as the baby making goes, we're waiting to see if I ovulate this month...the story of my life. So we'll just have to wait and see what this month brings.

I'm hoping to have some time today to put up a few blogs. Look forward to some new pictures!

In Grace news, she's working on getting all 4 of her molars...yikes. She is crying at drop off at the gym, but stops as soon as we are out of site. Grace had her first official babysitters Monday. Cole's Mom and sister watched Grace, while Cole and I were at a wake. It was unfortunate circumstances that led to the babysitting, but Grace had a great time!

Doubling

So I talked to my doctor yesterday and she will be doubling both my Clomid and Progestrone. Hopefully doubling will work.

As a side note my PMS is awful this month. I've never been so tired and bitchy in all my life. I have no idea if this has anything to do with the meds or not, but stay back I may just bite!

This Months Out

Well my cycle came to an end tonight. Guess this month was not our month. Here's hoping next month will be our month. Wallowing tonight, but back to being positive tomorrow.

All good things are worth waiting for!

Finally

Well I finally ovulated. It wasn't until day 20 of my cycle, but that's a little earlier then it had been. I had to call over the weekend to get a prescription for Progestrone. Man that stuff is expensive! I feel like I'm just wasting money, because I'm almost positive our timing was off this month. But feel like I have to take the Progestrone, just in case. I would love if we got pregnant this month, but I'm not holding my breath. The Progestrone makes me really dizzy and nauseous, but I haven't really had any side effects other then that. I don't really know the plan for next month if this month doesn't work. We never really discussed what we'd do if this month didn't work. I don't know if my doctor will increase the Clomid dose or keep it the same. I guess we shall have to wait to see!

Still Nada

Still no ovulation.

Still waiting.

Today is day 17 in my cycle. It's not looking so good for us this month.

In other news, since I've started eating healthier I've been buying peppers to snack on. When I buy them I get the bag with one red, one orange, and one yellow pepper in it. I probably have bought 3-4 bags by now. I kid you not, but in every bag there has been a pregnant pepper, you know a pepper that has another little baby pepper inside, like so:

I feel like somebody must be testing me. I  mean, come on..even my peppers can get pregnant! Well the bag I bought last week had 2, yes 2 out of the 3, pregnant peppers! I bought another bag today to cut up for the week and again 2 pregnant peppers!

If only I could be as fertile as a pepper!

Rough Start

We've had quite the rough start to 2010.

1.Our car broke down in the middle of the snow storm. Poor Cole walked back and forth between our house and car trying to figure everything out multiple times. We ended up signing up for AAA and having it towed. Lucky us it turns out we need to replace the transmission...yeah! (That's sarcasm in case you couldn't tell!)

2. One of our baby gates broke and another one fell out of the wall. Our little adventurer NEEDS to be caged, so we needed to replace the gates immedately! Luckily we only had to buy one new one, we were able to remount the other gate.

3. Grace and I came down with the world's worst stomach bug. Yuck! I happened to start throwing the day I started eating healthy. Let me just say that throwing up salad sucks and now I'm having a hard time forcing myself to eat one again.

4. I came down with this stupid stomach bug in the middle of when I'm supposed to ovulate, so it may have funked up this month for us. So far my monitor is still saying I haven't ovulated. I hoping the bug didn't scare ovulation away. I really want this to be the month it all works out for us!

There is some silver-lining though:

1. Grace didn't get as sick as I did. I was vomiting non-stop every 30 minutes for 24 hours, she only got sick 3 times in 24 hours.

2. Because I was so sick I couldn't sleep with Grace or nurse her at night so she's been sleeping with Cole and doing great. For 3 nights in a row now she's gone to bed without breastfeeding and stayed with Cole all night without breastfeeding. She's been nursing a lot more during the day to make up for the lack of night feeds, but day feeds are better then night feeds in my book!. The other night I slept 8 straight hours for the first time in probable close to a 1 1/2 years!

3. Things can only look up from here!

Continuing The Journey

Well, last month, wasn't the month either. (If you have no idea what I am talking about you should probably read this and this.) I was lucky enough to get my period on Christmas, Merry Freakin' Christmas! I went to the OB today and had some blood work done and picked up my prescription for Clomid. If I do ovulate, I'll call the OB, and she'll then call in a prescription for Progestrone.

This whole process has my emotions all over the place. I'm excited to be getting help, I feel like we're doing something to move in the right direction. Yet at the same time, I feel so sad. I wish that we didn't have to take this next step. I wish we were already pregnant.

It sucks to have to go to the OB's office and sit amongst pregnant women and new moms. It just feels like a constant reminder of what I want, another baby. I know we are very fortunate and lucky to have Grace. I love her to pieces, but having one child does not make the pain of wanting another any less. In fact having Grace is a reminder of how amazing having children is. I want this next child just as much as I wanted Grace.

I feel like such a ball of emotions. I hate the time between getting my period and starting to try each month, it always feels so static, I feel like I'm doing nothing to help the cause.

I hate that I feel like this whole thing needs to be a secret, like something we need to keep private. It makes it feel shameful, like I'm broken, like people will look at me differently if they know. It's hard. I wish I wasn't so sensitive, that every comment didn't sting. People don't know better but the "When you having another one?" or "One's enough, isn't it!". Any comment about having or not having kids feels like a kick in the gut. I wish I was stronger, that I wouldn't have a pity party every time I hear about someone else we know getting pregnant. Don't get me wrong I'm more than thrilled for those around us who are having babies, but at the same time I'm jealous.

It sucks. The amount of time we've been trying I could have already been pregnant and had a baby. We thought we'd at least have a baby by Spring if it took us a while to conceive...man were we so wrong. Now I'm hoping to have a baby by next Christmas.

I know I just feel like I'm going on and on, and I'm all "woe is me." I know that there are many people whose situation is a lot worse then ours, but for this moment, this day, I'm allowing myself to say "This sucks!" and "I'm sad!" Today I'm allowed to wallow in self pity. Tomorrow I'll be hopeful and cheery and I'll say "This is the month!" But for today, I'm wallowing...

We Have A Plan

So I went to see my OB today to discuss not being able to get pregnant. I knew what the problem is/was I just need my OB's help fixing it. My problem is that my luteal phase (the time from when you ovulate, until the time you get your period) is much to short. The average luteal phase is 2 weeks, mine is 5-7 days. My OB said to call back when I get my next period and then I'll go in and have blood work done and I'll get a prescription for pregestrone and clomid. Both medication are suppose to help regulate ovulation.

Hopefully these meds will be just what we need! I'm excited to have a plan! Hopefully 2010 will be the year we have another baby.